Canada
Perspectives --be heard-- or click the graphic for other topics. -Rules-F.A.Q.--121 Chat-Any humour out there about Canadians? - CANADA chat! -canadian chat - WORLD - Forums
dem4life wrote: Mazel Schlimazel wrote: dem4life wrote: Jim Carrey is one of my favorite Canadian comics. I first got into him when he was on In Living Color...
Way down in the back of beyond in Newfoundland, Murph's old lady had been
pregnant for some time and now the time had come. He brought her to the
doctor and the doctor began to deliver the baby. She had a little boy,
and the doctor looked over at Murphy and said, "Hey, Murphy! You just
had you a son! Ain't dat grand!!"
Murphy got excited by this, but just then the doctor spoke up and
said, Hold on! We ain't finished yet!"
The doctor then delivered a little girl. He said, "Hey, Murphy! You got
you a daughter!!!! She a pretty lil ting, too."
Murphy got kind of puzzled by this and then the doctor said, "Hold on,
we still ain't got done yet!"
The doctor then delivered another boy and said, "Murphy, you just had
yourself another boy!"
Murphy said to the doctor, "Doc, what caused all of dem babies?"
The doctor said, "You never know Murphy, it was probably something that
happened during conception."
Murphy said, "Ah yeah, during conception."
When Murphy and his wife went home with their three children, he sat
down with his wife and said, "Mama, you remember dat night that we ran
out of Vaseline and we had to use dat dere 3-in-1 Oil?"
She said, "Yeah, I remember dat night..."
Murphy said, "I'll tell you, bye, it's afookin' good ting we didn't use
dat WD-40!!"
Sammy
this was and Irish joke....Just put in Newfoundland instead! Sam
Katie Couric was doing a commentary on the "Customs of the Canadian Indian". After a tour of the reservation which she was on , she wondered why the difference in the number of feathers in their head dress. She asked a brave who had but one feather in his head dress , and his reply was, "Me have only one squaw" So me only one feather"Feeling that he was merely joking with her , Katie Couric decided to press the issue a little further and ask a brave who had four feathers on his head dress, he likewised answered. "UGH, Me have four feathers because me sleep with four squaws."
Still not convinced that this was not the real reason,Katie Couric decided to talk to the CHIEF who had a full head of feathers. She went to him and asked, 'Chieftell me, why do you have so many feathers in your head dress?" The Chief pounded his chest and proudly said, " UGH, me CHIEF. Me Phuck-em all: Big Small Tall Fat. Me phuck-em all."Horrified , MS Katie Couric stated, you ought to be hang!!"Chief angrily replied, "you Goddam right, me hung like Phucken Buffalo!"
Ms.Katie Couric cried out, "You don't have to get so damm Hostile!"
Chief replied, "Hoss style, Dog style, Hog style, Wolf style, any style. Me Phuck-em all"
Tears in her eyes, she cried out, "Oh Dear!!"
"NO" said the Chief. "Me phuck no deer- A$$hole to high and phuckers run to fast!!!
This was a Ms Barb Walters Joke....but time have changed.... besides she fainted!! at the end of the coommentary...
Sammy
Last edited on Tue Nov 3rd, 2009 10:25 pm by SamHouston
If a conservative doesn't like guns, he doesn't buy one.
If a liberal doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.
If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn't eat meat.
If a liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.
If a conservative sees a foreign threat, he thinks about how to defeat his enemy.
A liberal wonders how to surrender gracefully and still look good.
If a conservative is homosexual, he quietly leads his life.
If a liberal is homosexual, he demands legislated respect.
If a black man or Hispanic are conservative, they see themselves as independently successful.
Their liberal counterparts see themselves as victims in need of government protection.
If a conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation.
A liberal wonders who is going to take care of him.
If a conservative doesn't like a talk show host, he switches channels..
Liberals demand that those they don’t like be shut down.
If a conservative is a non-believer, he doesn't go to church.
A liberal non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced. (Unless it’s a foreign religion, of course!)
If a conservative decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it.
A liberal demands that the rest of us pay for his.
If a conservative slips and falls in a store, he gets up, laughs and is embarrassed.
If a liberal slips and falls, he grabs his neck, moans like he's in labor and then sues.
If a conservative reads this, he'll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh.
A liberal will delete it because he's "offended". Sammy
SamHouston wrote: If a conservative doesn't like guns, he doesn't buy one.
If a liberal doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.
If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn't eat meat.
If a liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.
If a conservative sees a foreign threat, he thinks about how to defeat his enemy.
A liberal wonders how to surrender gracefully and still look good.
If a conservative is homosexual, he quietly leads his life.
If a liberal is homosexual, he demands legislated respect.
If a black man or Hispanic are conservative, they see themselves as independently successful.
Their liberal counterparts see themselves as victims in need of government protection.
If a conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation.
A liberal wonders who is going to take care of him.
If a conservative doesn't like a talk show host, he switches channels..
Liberals demand that those they don’t like be shut down.
If a conservative is a non-believer, he doesn't go to church.
A liberal non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced. (Unless it’s a foreign religion, of course!)
If a conservative decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it.
A liberal demands that the rest of us pay for his.
If a conservative slips and falls in a store, he gets up, laughs and is embarrassed.
If a liberal slips and falls, he grabs his neck, moans like he's in labor and then sues.
If a conservative reads this, he'll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh.
A liberal will delete it because he's "offended". SammyWow Sammy you maybe forgot which thread you are on....and you made this one.
Ummm Canadians ........um where are they?
longbich wrote: SamHouston wrote: If a conservative doesn't like guns, he doesn't buy one.
If a liberal doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.
If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn't eat meat.
If a liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.
If a conservative sees a foreign threat, he thinks about how to defeat his enemy.
A liberal wonders how to surrender gracefully and still look good.
If a conservative is homosexual, he quietly leads his life.
If a liberal is homosexual, he demands legislated respect.
If a black man or Hispanic are conservative, they see themselves as independently successful.
Their liberal counterparts see themselves as victims in need of government protection.
If a conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation.
A liberal wonders who is going to take care of him.
If a conservative doesn't like a talk show host, he switches channels..
Liberals demand that those they don’t like be shut down.
If a conservative is a non-believer, he doesn't go to church.
A liberal non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced. (Unless it’s a foreign religion, of course!)
If a conservative decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it.
A liberal demands that the rest of us pay for his.
If a conservative slips and falls in a store, he gets up, laughs and is embarrassed.
If a liberal slips and falls, he grabs his neck, moans like he's in labor and then sues.
If a conservative reads this, he'll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh.
A liberal will delete it because he's "offended". SammyWow Sammy you maybe forgot which thread you are on....and you made this one.
Ummm Canadians ........um where are they?
thanks...true...... is was for the American thread...I screw up!!!!! Sam
I'll have to get it deleted! Sammy
Last edited on Tue Nov 10th, 2009 08:35 pm by SamHouston
Did you hear about the war between Newfoundland and Nova Scotia? The Newfies were lobbing hand grenades; the Nova Scotians were pulling the pins and throwing them back.
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Sammy
Sam
of the coommentary... 
Sammy
![[can]](/forums/themes/default/canada.gif)
........um where are they?![[peace-victory]](/forums/themes/default/doublepeace.gif)
